his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
