The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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