Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
