Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
I am in a vortex of obligation.
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
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