she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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