do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
Randomize
