I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
Randomize
