Your face is a jimmy john
party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
