I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
