Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
