i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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