Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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