so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Randomize
