my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
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