i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
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