you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
