He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
My cat gives me a boner
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Randomize
