my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Randomize
