k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Randomize
