I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
