He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
