would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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