Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
My vagina is officially offended.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
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