my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
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