I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
