i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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