Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Randomize
