I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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