So drunk its hurt
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
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