i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
