Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
My Sexting was not on an AP level
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
