I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
Randomize
