So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
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