no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
I have feelings that need drinking.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
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