you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Randomize