He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Randomize
