Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
