Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize
