i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
