You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
Randomize
