So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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