I'm lost and stupid without you.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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