In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
