Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
