you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
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