Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Randomize
