Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Randomize
