I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
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