Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
a search helicopter?!
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Randomize
