There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
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