Apparently you make a good broom.
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Randomize
