i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
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