the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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