so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
