Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Randomize
