i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Randomize
