I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Randomize
