I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
