I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Randomize
