So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
Randomize
