so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
my god I love twenty year old dicks
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Randomize
