I'm jealous of your bromance
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
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