these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Randomize