Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
These tits shall not be calmed
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