i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
