I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
