I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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