woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
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