In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
what day is it and did you see me today?
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
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