i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize